I have to say, i didn’t really think this would be where my life would take me. If you’d asked me 10 years ago where I’d be living, I would have said Europe somewhere. 10 years ago I was living in Austin and had been accepted into Eindhoven University of Technology. I was excited about a new adventure. I was dating my now wife at the time. We had grand plans for what we were going to be doing.
Now, I live in Portland. I’ve been struggling with a plethora of allergies that range from mostly benign to causing asthmatic attacks and anaphylactic shock. Last night was a case where I couldn’t even engage properly with my friends because of allergies to cats and pine trees. To say I’m struggling with this is an understatement. Some days goes by where I’m feeling great and that it’s easy. Other days I feel like I’m at the edge of going to the ER again.
I look at the decisions of how I’ve gotten to where I am and there’s probably not a lot I could have done to avoid these allergies. But in terms of the rest of my life. I do feel like I’ve been drifting for a few years. Just letting events happen around me and push me forward. I haven’t been driving towards anything. I don’t know what I should be driving towards.
Thinking back to ten years ago, I had goals. I had something to strive for. Get a degree to get into the policy game so i can do work to effect change. That didn’t happen. Instead I simply took the first job I could after graduating (when I moved back to the states). I was excited about the company, but not really the work. It felt like I just threw a way a lot of the education I had struggled for, just so I could work. I’ve continued to do this to some extent at the next two jobs. In my current job, I’m excited about the products, wireless speakers, but I’m disappointed in my leadership’s embrace of Agile ideals. So that’s a struggle at times.
Despite three years of therapy, I’m still depressed. I’m not sure where to go or what to do about it.
One small goal I have for this year is to get back on here and writing. I plan to write 1-4 posts a month. Something to keep me thinking. I haven’t really been thinking critically about things much this past year.